(As published in www.cafemom.com, March 31, 2010)

My daughter and I run a lot of errands together.  Most of the time we figure out a way to make going to the grocery store or gas station or bank fun.  But there is one part of these routine stops that has given me some anxiety.  Standing on the median at the same intersection pretty much any time we drive by is the same man with a cardboard sign that reads, “Homeless. Can you spare some change? Hungry, looking for work. God bless.”  

 The man is wearing jeans, a plaid shirt and work boots.  He has a severe limp and uses a cane.  I notice all these things because we drive along side of him – always in a perfect position to roll down the window and hand him some change.  So what do I do?  I press the automatic lock for my car doors. My daughter immediately asks, “Why did you lock the doors, mom?” 

 I am not proud of this response.  On one hand, it is an automatic motherly instinct to keep my daughter safe from an unknown person who is not behaving in a typical fashion.  On the other hand, I ask myself why am I not showing compassion – particularly in front of my daughter?

 I have thought a lot about this.  My daughter knows I am a compassionate person. We have talked at length about the plight of people who are living on the streets or in shelters and the need to support them.  I have chosen to support them by donating money or goods to shelters or nonprofits that help the homeless because I know my contributions are being directed appropriately.

 The hard truth is that I decided to draw the line at rolling down my car window when my daughter is in the car.  Part of my concern comes from an article in local paper from several years ago that profiled people who were posing as homeless people.  Their impersonation was their creative approach for either an occupation or for funding their drinking or drug habits.      

 Since my daughter is now old enough to understand these nuances, I have explained to her exactly why I lock the car door and prefer to support the homeless in a way that gives me greater confidence that I am actually helping.     

 So, I ask this:  Can I be compassionate and a skeptic on this issue at the same time?  I guess my answer is that I will have to live with being both.

©YesKidzCan!, 2010.

Supporting animal rescue is as easy as peel and stick!  On April 30, the United States Postal Service is issuing a new stamp as part of their social awareness stamp series.  The new “Animal Rescue: Adopt a Shelter Pet” stamps feature the endearing  mugs of  dogs and cats!  The cost is the same as regular first-class stamps:  $8.80 for a set of 20 stamps.  Sit down with your kids and pre-order the stamps by going to www.stampstotherescue.com.  You can also purchase other fun stuff including note cards with the stamp stars and animal adoption certificates for those who decide to expand your family to by rescuing a furry friend.

(As seen in www.savvysource.com, April 2, 2010)

Kids always want stuff. More, more, more!   As parents, what do we need to do to raise kids who are not leading the “Gimme Generation” but rather the “Giving Generation?”

I haven’t met a parent yet who doesn’t want to raise a caring kid.  In fact, even amidst the tough economic times, it is interesting to read a recent PARADE magazine poll reporting that Americans are in a “compassion boom.”  Not only is volunteerism on the rise, 90% of Americans surveyed by PARADE said “they are working hard to teach their children the importance of activism.”    This is great – particularly since other studies on volunteerism have shown when charitable activity is part of young kids’ lives, they have greater self-esteem, pride, and continue to volunteer as they get older.   The PARADE article goes on to say that parents try to teach their kids about being charitable in a variety of ways:  leading by example, talking about important issues and causes, discussing their own philanthropic pursuits, taking kids to volunteer meetings, urging them to follow role models committed to changing our world, and donating their own money.

The thing is this:  It’s not that I don’t believe what the fine survey takers are saying.  I do.  But, who among us hasn’t heard ourselves or our friends scream, “I am so busy!?”  How do we fit one more thing into our hectic lives?   We need convenience! 

So here is a new way to think about community service:  make “giving experiences” part of your every day routine.  What is a giving experience?  To me, it is any teachable, memorable, or enjoyable moment – big or small – that reinforces the value of giving back for kids and parents.  And the best part is…there is no reason why a giving experience can’t be easy!   Here are a few ideas for building giving experiences into your life.  

1. Talk.  During mealtime, drive-time, or bedtime, ask your kids if they know what it means to be charitable. Explain that giving back can include donating money, time, or talent.  Give or ask for examples of kind acts and build on these discussions over time.   For even younger kids, frame the discussion around what it means to be a “giver,” a “receiver,” or a “helper.”  Also, ask questions such as “Did you help anyone today?”  “Were you nice to someone today?” It’s okay if your child does not have an affirmative answer.  Just starting and continuing the discussion will help your kids notice their own kind acts.
2. Start young.  Involve your kids in a giving experience when they are as young as three or four. Even toddlers can help put outgrown shoes in a donation bag, pass along unwanted stuffed animals or toys, or gather canned goods.
3. Think small.  Reinforce your kids’ little acts of kindness.  When your children show signs of compassion (such as saying hello to classmate who is shy, giving a friend a hug, or paying someone a compliment) acknowledge their actions by telling them how proud you feel.   Encourage simple actions such as tying a younger child’s shoes, feeding the dog, or dropping off a neighbor’s newspaper.  Simple actions can have extraordinary outcomes.
4. Find the right fit.   Take the time to select a service activity that works well with your kid’s personality and interests.  If your child is shy, for example, avoid volunteering in an environment that is over-crowded, loud, or overwhelming.  Tap into what your kid loves.  If your child adores animals, support an animal shelter.     
5. Take a different route.  Different kids are engaged by different things.  Read a book with messages about giving back or kindness.  Watch a movie or television program about social action, going green or animal welfare.  Characters or storylines that illustrate good deeds can help reinforce the values you want to teach.  
6. Piggyback.    Make a giving experience part of an existing outing, activity, or event.  When you go back-to-school or grocery shopping, bring your kids with you to help purchase extra supplies or food to donate to a local charity.   Consider building in a charitable component to a birthday or slumber party.  (A great resource for transforming your kid’s party is Birthday Wishes (www.birthdaywishes.org), an organization that brings birthday parties to homeless children. When it is time to buy teacher gifts, give a donation or gift certificate in the teacher’s name and involve your kids in the charity selection.  (A favorite for charitable gift certificates is www.donorschoose.org.) 

Overall, make the experience fun and participate enthusiastically with your kids!  Kids like to model your behavior and want to make you proud.  Most important, do what works for your family.  Just find time during the year to do something.  Big or small, a giving experience can change your life, your kid’s life, and the life of someone completely unexpected.     And wouldn’t it be something if we all heard from our kids a little less of the “What can I get” refrain and a little more of the “What can I give?”

©YesKidzCan!, 2010.